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The modeling industry may seem like all glitz, glamor and flashing lights, but sometimes it can be cruel. And according to the South Sudanese model Ajak Dengthat’s just it.

Ajak recently took to Instagram to share a heartbreaking video about being a model that most people want, but expressing there is a dark side. “You don’t know how lonely it is at the top,” Ajak says in the video. She is visibly emotional, cries, and ultimately screams into the phone blasting the agency she works with.

“The life that everybody always f**king wants, right? You wanna be a fucking model, you wanna be that, you wanna be successful, but the thing is, you don’t know how much it’s lonely at the top. And not only that, the people who work with you constantly tell you that you need to be a better person. And that you’re a horrible person. Constantly. On a daily basis. I’m sick and tired. I’m done. If I kill myself, know that I’m killing myself because of you mothers a**kers. I’m done with this shit. I’m done. I can’t do this.

The supermodel has participated in fashion shows for New York, London and Milan Fashion Weeks. She’s also been featured in international fashion campaigns, but has always expressed what it’s like to be black in the controversial industry. Ajek was part of a BET series last year where she spoke about her experiences as a Sudanese model.

Ajak has since taken down the video and thanked her social community for their concerns, but assured everyone that she is fine. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so let’s keep Ajak in our prayers.